The Toaster of the Future

A Smartness Scale for Toasters

Posted by Patrick Sheldon Wee on November 18, 2016

Ahh, the good 'ol toaster. It's what makes sure your bread in the morning is well-toasted and your butter could be smoldered all over your crunchy piece of heaven.

But is there a way to make the toaster smarter? One that could anticipate my needs more?

With the advent of the internet of things movement, many of the things in our homes and beyond have become smart. From smart cars to smart fridges, many things in our lives have become ever more intelligent.

But what does being smart or intelligent really mean? How do we measure the smartness of a technology or of a device? How does a smartness scale for a toaster look like?

Here's a proposition. It's the PWee Toaster Smartness Decider (PTSD). Here are the different levels and their corresponding descriptions.

Level 1 - Seriously?

Needs extensive human interaction. A pan and fire is what this probably is. The bread can burn really easily and there is no scientific way to control toasty-ness level. Success rate of a person's desired toast is 20% or lower. A cave man probably used this, or a desperate college student who can't afford a toaster.

Level 2 - Dumb

The good old toaster your grandparebts probably used. This level entails a little bit of mechanical ingenuity such as electricity, being able to lower the bread using a dragging down motion. The bread is usually toasted okay. The success rate for a person's desired toast is less than 60% but greater than 20%. Makes you toast okay most of the time, but don't expect anything special.

Level 3 - Meh

One you probably find in a Walmart shelf today. It has all the basic features of level.two, but it gives you the option to select crunchiness levels. It also is smart enough to switch off when it is about to explode, and has a built in timer to ensure crunchiness more times. The success rate for a person's desired toast is less than 90% but greater than 60%.

Level 4 - Smart

The toaster of the decade. This toaster knows the toast just the way you like it by testing your preferences. It integrates with your alarms and starts preparing bread just when you wake up so that you have bread ready. It's ready for you when you're up in the morning.

Level 5 - Geek

This is the bomb. The toaster of everyone's dreams. This toaster is able to analyze the bread and toast accordingly depending on the user's preferences. It is also able to order refills for bread, butter and jam, as well as other condiments through FreshDirect or other automatic refilling system. The toaster is also able to butter appropriately. It is also able to find out the latest in bread fashion, i.e., is the rainbow bagel the coolest thing now?

So that is my smartness scale for an oven toaster. While we wait for all the toasters in the world become a geek, you can try this. But that's it for now! Anyone ready for the toaster of the future?